Descent into Nothingness
by XStrawberryDuckFeathersX
Summary: After his antics with the Death Note cause an unfathomable amount of stress for his family, Light Yagami just can't bear the weight of the remorse on his shoulders any longer. One-shot. TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note or the cover image.**  
**AUTHOR NOTE: This piece is OOC. :)**

* * *

The calm spring breeze swirled through the trees, and their leaves danced happily. Sachiko took a break from her walk through the park and took in a deep breath. Various scents of nature- damp soil, fragrant flowers and the fresh air – filled her nostrils, and the breeze felt cool around her. But, no matter how much she tried, she just couldn't indulge in the joys of spring. She sighed deeply and rested against a tree.

"I really miss coming out here with you, Sayu…"

Sayu remained silent.

Sachiko's mind flooded with joyous memories of her daughter when she was little. A young Sayu ran through the autumn leaves, chuckling as they crunched under her Wellington boots. She tripped, and her mother rushed to her aid…only to find her frolicking happily in the crunchy leaves.

Sayu missed her daughter's previous vitality. She used to be full of life, smiling wherever she went, constantly bugging her older brother for help with her homework. After the devastating trauma of her kidnapping, she never said a word. She never moved a muscle. She was almost literally paralysed with fear.

Sachiko wiped the tears from her eyes. "Come on…" She grasped the handlebars of the wheelchair. "Let's get home, shall we?"

* * *

Home just didn't feel like home without the discussions at the dinner table. Aside from the clunking of cutlery against the plates, it was virtually silent. Soichiro was too shocked at all that had been happening recently to say anything, Sayu was completely unable to utter a single word, and Light had been suspiciously quiet for a few months. Sachiko gazed into the remorseful eyes of her son. He was once an exceptional student with a constant grin on his face, but lately, he seemed to be keeping himself to himself. Sachiko watched as her son poked at his food repeatedly with his fork.

"Light…"

He titled his head slightly, his hair falling over his eyes a little.

"You haven't touched your food, dear."

Light dropped his fork and laid his cheek in his hand. "I'm not hungry right now."

"But you haven't been hungry for a long-"

"Mum."

Sachiko stayed quiet. Light laid his head in his arms and a chilling sensation struck his heart.

His mother stood up slowly from her seat. "Would you mind if I spoke to you in private?"

* * *

Light leaned on the TV. "What do you want, Mum? I'm fine."

"You are not fine!" Sachiko lunged for the boy's shoulders, then let out a breath and a few tears. Her voice became quiet. "You aren't fine, Light…" Sachiko sat her son on the sofa next to her. "I know that all of this with your sister is troubling you, but she will most likely get better, Light. Think of it that way."

"I know, Mum, but-"

"But what?"

Light could see through the anger in his mother's voice; she was deeply worried about everyone in her family. Her daughter had become catatonic, her husband deeply depressed, and now her own son- not to mention there was every chance of anyone in the Yagami falling victim to Kira- or even _being_ Kira. Her mind was so obscured by negative thoughts that she couldn't spend time to prevent whatever words that came out of her mouth from being taken the wrong way. However, if he told her why he felt like he did…it would break her heart, and he didn't need to harm his family even more than he already had. Light threw her hand off of his shoulder and stormed upstairs, slamming the bedroom door behind him.

He slumped onto the chair beside his desk. The shinigami loomed over his shoulders. Light tapped the other end of his pen on the fresh, crisp pages of the Death Note.

"What's wrong?" Ryuk said, in his rasping voice. "You haven't been too active lately."

Light screwed up a page of the Death Note and crushed it in his palms.

"What do you mean, 'what's wrong'? Look at me!"

Ryuk gazed at him for a while. His eyes were bloodshot, rimmed with dark circles. His hair was disorganised and scruffy, and he looked extremely dishevelled.

"Look at what I've done." He leaned on the table and growled through his teeth. "Look at what this has done to me."

"Whaddya mean, Light? Look at all of those criminals you've killed-"

"What about them? All this whole thing has done has wrecked my life and put my entire family in danger!"

Ryuk sat on the edge of Light's bed, lost for words.

"I thought I'd make the world a better place…and I failed. Look at what I've done. My little sister's so traumatised that she can hardly move. She didn't deserve any of this." Light flipped the Death Note shut. "I did."

Ryuk shrugged. "If you say so."

He noticed that Light was slipping the notebook and a pen into a small satchel. He darted out of the room without another word.

"Hey! Wait up!"

"Light! Where are you going?" yelled Sachiko.

"I'm going to the forest, Mum. I need to clear my head."

The door slammed behind him.

* * *

After what felt like an eternity of running, he had finally reached his destination- the forest clearing. Ryuk watched closely behind as his pace gradually slowed until he slumped to the ground, supposedly crying.

"Now you're starting to creep me out."

"Do you not know what's going on here?!" Light screamed, frightening a murder of crows from their homes amongst the branches. "Do you not know why I came here, Ryuk?"

Ryuk nodded his head sideways. "Not a clue."

Light closed a fist and gazed up into the tiny ray of light peeking through the leaves. "Not only guilty people's lives are being ruined because of me…but so are innocent people. Those criminals…what if they had loving families?" He formed clawed hands. If it weren't for me, my sister would be fine. If it weren't for me, my whole, entire family would be fine!" Light collapsed into a heap on the ground and cried loudly. "'God of the New World'?" He paused. "What kind of god would I be? A god that endangers his own family doesn't deserve to be a god at all." Light withdrew the Death Note and a pen from his satchel and flung it at the shinigami. "And someone who endangers the lives of the people that love them…doesn't deserve a life at all."

Ryuk's expression remained deadpan. "Are you sure about this? It seems kinda out-of-character for you."

"Just do it."

"But…your family-"

"Just do it!"

Ryuk remained silent and scrawled down the boy's name in the book.

"It won't be long now," Light muttered to himself. "It won't be long until Kira isn't around to fuck with the lives of the innocent anymore. It won't be long…not long at all…"

"Light!"

He gazed aside, making out a vague silhouette of a woman coming towards him.

Agony struck him. The burning pain that surged through his chest…it was excruciatingly wonderful.

"Light! Is that you?"

The voice grew louder, more desperate. It was only then when Light recognised it.

"Mum…"

He gradually reached out a hand. Sachiko knelt down beside him and held on gently to the tips of his fingers.

"…I'm sorry."

His eyelids gently closed, and his hair fell gently over his face. His fingers slipped limply from his mother's grip. Her son was no more. She couldn't believe what had happened. She closed her eyes for a while, but then opened them. She flipped through the mysterious notebook, but the only name that stuck out was that of her own son. Reality stabbed her in the heart.

He'd finally succumbed to the hardship that he and his family had been enduring for months. He'd finally given in. But, unbeknownst to his mother, the remorse for the trouble he'd caused his family was much too overwhelming.

She looked towards the ray of sunlight that peered into the clearing.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed it. If anyone feels I've portrayed suicide, or feelings relating to suicide, unrealistically or offensively, then please let me know; I wouldn't want to offend anyone dealing with those sorts of issues.**


End file.
